Woman enabled

1. Sir/Maam- i see you are palpating the baby but what are you actually trying to do? Student- Sir i am trying to locate the fetal head and buttocks-

Sir- Are you sure- it seems to me you are preparing ” chapati or pizza dough !!”

2. Sir- What is the cause of vomiting and a missed period–Student- outside food

3. Sir- what causes excess  liquor in pregnancy- Student- a profusely sweating fetus

4. Sir- Why is the baby small in some cases– Student- The baby did not get food

5. Sir- Why is the baby big in some cases.– Student- The baby got greedy.

6. Notice for all fresh interns-  “ To stop train pull the chain, but do not pull on the umbilical cord”.—anonymous

7. Advice from Senior Resident to intern-“Come join the gang for a taste of liquor amnii.”

8. Senior Gynecologist to junior one on round-“ Madam, if you wish to learn, keeps the hands busy and mouth shut”

9. “Do as you like, wait and watch all you want- just don’t drop the babe in the bucket- it isn’t yours to drop”

10. Babies , babies everywhere– bathrooms, buses, taxis, trains, planes, hallways, stairways or any other conceivable place- without a pediatrician in sight- so just do it

11. Teacher – At how many weeks does the mother feel  the baby move, in the first pregnancy ?.

Student-  Anytime , I think ,when it gets troubled

12.Teacher- Why does labor start before the term in many cases?

Student- I am sure there are several very good reasons , but i cannot seem to remember any at present.

13. Sir- Which is the best route of delivery for an abnormal baby

Student- the abnormal route.

14. Sir-How can we assess if a pelvis is ok for delivery of a baby

Student- if the baby has come out of the pelvis, it should have been ok

Sir- I mean before the delivery

Student- Oh u mean can it come out?

Sir-Yes that is right.

Student- I am not sure- perhaps the baby can decide itself.

15. Sir- give me the objective parameters for a good sized pelvis

Student- Well, i guess one that looks big and roomy.

16. A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor queries.
“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

“ From labor rooms – near and far”- true situations!!

Interesting definitions- courtesy– Dr. Mahat Vather, New Zealand.

Artery-The study of paintings

Bacteria-Back door to cafeteria

Barium-What doctors do when patients die

Benign-What you be, after you be eight

Caesarean Section-A neighborhood in Rome

Cat scan-Searching for Kitty

Cauterize-Made eye contact with her

Colic-A sheep dog

Coma-A punctuation mark

Dilate-To live long

Enema-Not a friend

Fester-Quicker than someone else

Fibula-A small lie

Impotent-Distinguished, well known

Labor Pain-Getting hurt at work

Medical Staff-A Doctor’s cane

Morbid-A higher offer

Nitrates-Rates of Pay for Working at Night,

Normally more money than Days

Node-I knew it

Outpatient-A person who has fainted

Pelvis-Second cousin to Elvis

Post Operative-A letter carrier

Recovery Room-Place to do upholstery

Rectum-Nearly killed him

Secretion-Hiding something

Seizure-Roman Emperor

Tablet-A small table

Terminal Illness-Getting sick at the airport

Tumor-One plus one more

Urine-Opposite of you’re out

Doctors in practice!!!- should we ever tell the patient they are dying????

A man goes to his doctor for a complete checkup.  After the checkup the doctor comes out with the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,”
“Oh , that’s terrible. How long  will i live?” the man asks.

“10…” says the doctor.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

On examinations

The blonde or Mrs. Santa or any lady doctor- appears for her final examination with questions of “yes/no” types.  She sits at the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then, removed a coin and tosses for answers. Yes for Heads and No for Tails.

Within half an hour she is all done while the rest are sweating it out.

In, the final five minutes, she is seen throwing the coin, swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what was going on.

“I finished the exam in half an hour. But,”  am unable to recheck”.

Child health- from the mouth of babes…..courtesy pediatric doctors UITM

1. Sir- what are the types of fits ?

 Student- central fits  and peripheral fits ( generalized and localized fits)

Sir- i think i am going to have a complete fit.

2. Sir- How will u take the temperature of a child ?

 By the touch technique- very hot!!

 3. Sir- Describe the management of meningitis ?

Burr hole biopsy –

You mean a hole in the head-

Student -right will ease out evil spirits.

4. Paper correction techniques for mass examinations-  Can just estimate the weight of the papers

5. Sir –list the structures in the under surface of the diaphgram ?

 Student – “Doctor Sood  killed the patient cruelly and mercilessly” – sorry sir cannot remember the rest

 5. Sir -Define management of meningitis

Student – “do not disturb the irritable child- stay away.”

6. Sir- Name the drugs for treatment of tuberculosis –Anti-tubercular drugs for 6 months.

7. Sir- Name the drugs for seizure control– Student- anti-seizure drugs.

8. Sir- How will you treat shock in a child?– there is a fast pulse and a low blood pressure

Student- For the fast pulse i will give beta blockers to slow it down, and once it slows down, the blood pressure will come up.